A lot can happen in a year. It’s been about that long since I’ve written on here. Not because I have nothing to say or because I haven’t thought about writing but because it has felt too raw, too real and too personal to share.
Last August I moved my life across the country to the city of Vancouver. I took a job here, working with youth at a local church.
Last April, I declared to the Lord that I was putting everything on the table. I didn’t know what was coming next but I wanted to be open.
Someone should have told me how dangerous a prayer that can be.
That same week I got an email inviting me to consider a job in Vancouver.
I’ve lived in fear for a long time. Fear of what if, fear of losing someone else I love, fear of missing something, fear of disappointment. Fear had made my world small. Somewhere in the middle of all those feelings, I decided that I had to rebel. I didn’t want fear to lead my life anymore.
So I jumped into a journey that wasn’t expected, that wasn’t planned or even sought after.
If you would have asked me a year ago if I would be in Vancouver, I would have laughed in your face. Of course not. My family isn’t there. I don’t know anyone. It’s across the country. Of course not.
And it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I think a lot of people can make a move like this seem so glamorous, that what they left behind was less than where they are experiencing now.
That’s never been the case for me. It’s not a matter of what’s better or worse, it’s always been about what am I being called to enter into now.
In this season of change all around me, God is teaching me new things.
God uses our past to prepare us for our future. I couldn’t have been ready to be in this place at this time if I hadn’t experienced what the last few years have taught me. Those people and those moments together were all gifts.
There are good people everywhere you go. I won’t lie and tell you that being the new person is often a very lonely place to be, but I am reminded as I jump into the life happening in a new place that the world is full of people who God puts in your path. People who are kind and good and will welcome you in, even when you feel so far away from all that you know.
It’s ok to cry. In this season, it seems that I’m always feeling all the feels. I’ve discovered that sometimes you just need to go to your room and have a good cry. It doesn’t mean things are bad and life is over but allowing yourself to be present in the feels of change is so necessary.
Change takes time to feel normal. I’ve seen this in my own life and in my ministry here. You’ve got to give yourself grace during the process. It’s not gonna happen overnight.
So I’m still here, just in a new place. Still learning, still growing, still feeling and still hoping. If anything, this season reminds me how human I am and how in need I am of the grace Jesus offers me.
We were never meant to do it on our own.