I’m turning 30 in September.
Me, a 30-year old.
I’ve been trying to rack my brain around what it will feel like not being a 20-something anymore. I’ve also been trying to figure out how my 20’s went by so fast? They say your 20’s are all about learning and getting experience and trying new things and they say your 30’s are about doing, because you have the confidence from everything you learned in your 20’s. I’m not sure if that’s true but I hope to find out.
There are some things I wish I would have done differently in my 20’s. There are some things I wish my 20 year old self would have known. If I could write a letter to my 20 year old self, I think this is what I’d say…
Happy 20th birthday! I know, it feels big! You’re done high school, you’ve travelled a bit and you’re wondering where life will take you next. You want to be older, to thrive and to be loved. You want to know more about Jesus and you want to experience truly knowing him.
There are some things I want to tell you. You won’t listen to me because you think you know best and you’ve watched too many fairy tale movies and you’re so stubborn, but I’m going to tell you anyways.
Your 20’s will be full.
Full of laughter.
Full of travel.
Full of family.
Full of worry.
Full of moving from one place to another.
Full of weddings.
Full of friendships that come come and go.
Full of learning.
Full of heartbreak.
They’re not going to be like you planned. I know you want to be married by the time you’re 25 and you have this picture of what your life will look like when you get there but it’s not going to look like that. And you’re going to have a bit of meltdown over it all.
But here’s the thing, you’re going to be ok.
The heartbreak of things not turning out like you hoped will make you deeper, make you love more, make you empathize in new ways with people. Darcie, don’t fight this, embrace it. The best plans are often the ones you don’t plan.
Yes, you’re going to travel. You’re going to go to some places that if I told you now, you’d have a stomach attack and worry yourself sick and you might not go. But you have to go because seeing these places, going on these adventures will expand your mind and your view of the world. You have to go because these opportunities are a gift from a God who loves you and who, despite what you sometimes feel, sees you right where you are. You are not forgotten.
You are going to have people come into your life that remind you of all the good in this world. They will challenge you and pray for you and walk with you through the highs and lows.
You’re going to feel lonely. The type of loneliness where you’re in a crowd of people but you still feel like the only one. So when you feel lonely, do some things that feed your soul. It’s ok, I give you permission. Cuddle up on the couch and watch your favourite movies. Go the mall and buy that outfit. Go for a drive, listen to your country music and cry. Crank the worship and praise God in the storm. Call Mama love, she makes everything better. And sleep. You don’t do well when you’re tired.
I know you feel like you have to prove yourself. I know you feel like the odd one out. I know you feel ugly and fat and like no one will ever love you. You have to fight these messages or they’ll paint your view of life. You don’t have to prove yourself, God will give you a place you thought you couldn’t have because of your gender. If you feel fat, girl, get to the gym and exercise and put down that ice cream! And seriously, you’re going to learn to exercise and you might even love it (trust me on this). And one more thing, God don’t make ugly.
A few other things I wish to tell you:
-See a counsellor, work out your junk
-Find a mentor, go after meeting with that person that inspires you
-It’s ok to go on a date with someone and not marry them
-Your stomach disorder won’t ruin your life
-You can travel alone
-Spend more time with the people you love
-Be fully present where you are
-Go after Jesus, don’t settle for a faith that doesn’t breathe
-Wear the shorts, it’s hot
-Share your stories, it will help others share too
-Don’t give up on the church
-Embrace all things Jewish (haha, you’ll understand later)
-It’s ok to not always be ok
-Name your thankfuls
I know all of this won’t make sense to you now but one day it will. Be brave Darcie girl, you don’t have to worry so much. Don’t stop loving with your whole heart, even when people hurt you, keep trusting, keep forgiving because the story isn’t over yet.
You’re living the everyday adventure!
Your older (and somewhat wiser) self