I Want To Have Courage…

courage

I like to choose a word for the season I find myself in. Sometimes it’s a word that I need to hear, and see and write down over and over again. Sometimes it’s a word that I want to be or that I need to remember that I am. I’ve found that the word I choose shows itself in layers, in different places and in people who I least expect to find it in.

I’m not sure how I go about choosing the word but somehow it finds me. I like to think that God speaks it to my heart in the silence. I’ve come to believe this because my word usually seems to perfectly connect with my season. Strange, I know, but divinely so.

My word in this season is courage. Here’s why this word is connecting with the deepest parts of my soul right now…

Courage is one of those words that means something different for every person and in every situation. Courage is deeply rooted in who we are, in our stories and in the choices we make everyday. Courage is always a choice that we get to make. Courage is something that can grow and it often begins so small and tiny and fragile. Courage is always evolving as we evolve.

I want to have courage.
I want to fight against the voices that tell me I can’t do something.
I want to keep trying, even when all I seem to do is fail.
I want to believe that people can change, if they choose to.
I want to be a person who gives second-chances and more grace.
And in my life, these things demand courage.

I have a friend who recently lost his brother, who was also his best friend. Sometimes when we talk, he tells me that he wishes this could have just happened to someone else, someone who he doesn’t know, someone across the world. Why did it have to be him and his family? He knows that somehow, someday God will redeem this and it won’t hurt so bad, but right now it hasn’t been redeemed. It hurts everyday and he doesn’t know when the anxiety of his grief will hit him next, because that’s what grief does. And so he keeps going, somedays in a complete fog functioning on very little sleep. And some days his grief makes him suffer in silence and other days he shares it. This is courage – to keep going when you’re broken and when your story hasn’t been redeemed yet.

I have another friend whose life hasn’t turned out as she thought it would. She’s been through some things that have ripped her heart out and thrown it in her face. Yet, she’s let these things soften her heart and despite unfulfilled dreams, she keeps asking God what he’s up to next. Sometimes she tells me about the things she’s trying and the places she’s visiting and the things she’s learning on her own and I’m amazed at her. She is a woman of courage, and I don’t even think she knows it.

I recently had a conversation with another friend who has been deeply hurt by people who she thought were on her team. She invested her whole heart into her work only to have it end in a way she never expected. And as she cried the kind of tears that can only come from a broken heart, she talked about wanting to figure out how she can be a person of grace when things haven’t gone as she thought they would because she speaks it, but now she has to live it. She is living courage out in the flesh. And while my heart breaks for her, she is inspiring me with her courage.

Sometimes courage is asking the second question.
Sometimes courage is going to that wedding alone.
Sometimes courage is going back to school when you’re 50.
Sometimes courage is letting yourself say no to another thing.
Sometimes it’s having a conversation that is uncomfortable and awkward.
Sometimes it’s saying I’m sorry.
Sometimes it’s walking through those church doors.
Sometimes it’s asking for help.

Courage is the choice we get to make.

So in this season, I’m learning about what it means to have courage right where I find myself. And my courage may not seem like courage to you, but it’s mine and it’s the stuff that’s changing my heart. And some days for me, courage just means being ok with not being ok because I’m giving voice to the things that shame tells me to keep silent.

So where are you choosing courage? It’s ok to let it start small and fragile because I’m telling you…

It will grow and it will become part of your story and it will make you deeper. But maybe courage isn’t your word for this season. Maybe there’s another word that’s changing and challenging you. And if that’s the case, my prayer for you is simple:

LET IT.

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