The Type of Sex Worth Waiting For: Looking Back After 9 Years of Marriage…

to-my-future-husband-600x400In middle school, I decided that True Love Waits. I got a purity ring that I wore on my left ring finger as a reminder that Jesus was my first love and I was saving sex for marriage. In high school, I decided to completely Kiss Dating Goodbye. Why waste my time dating before I was old enough to consider marriage?

You see, like many young Christian girls in the 90’s, I had a master plan. Once I was settled into my Christian college, surrounded by mature men, it would be Boy Meets Girl and I’d Say Hello to Courtship. (I may have been a Joshua Harris groupie.)

I prayed for my future husband, I wrote letters to him, I daydreamed about who he might be. During high school, I was proud of my unconventional choices and content in my singleness. I wasn’t just saving sex for marriage, I was saving my heart.

I was a purity rock star.

I knew finding the man I was meant to marry might be tricky, but saving sex for marriage? That should be a piece of cake for a girl like me.

Not true.

I met the man I would one day marry midway through my first year of college, and I knew almost immediately that he was perfect for me. Keith was handsome and funny and charming. He was outgoing and able to draw me out of my shell. He had a compassionate heart, felt a calling into pastoral ministry, and, get this…. although he had gone on several dates in high school, he had never really had a girlfriend! I felt like I had struck gold.

I was so excited to share all the newness of a romantic relationship with Keith. We met each others’ families, we talked about the future, we prayed together, we laughed together, we cried together, we wrote letters, we professed our love, we held hands, we kissed…we held each other…we touched each other….

And we found ourselves tempted in areas we had always been strong.

It had been so easy for so many years! But that was before I truly fell in love. That was before I knew how intoxicating love could be. It really is like a drug sometimes.

Even with the best intentions and the most pristine track records, things get messy when you fall in love. As humans beings, the physical, emotional, and spiritual are intricately woven together. With attraction as an undeniable part of our relationship, it seemed nearly impossible for us to limit our physical relationship as we grew closer in every other way.

For over three years, we fought to keep our virginity intact, and it was only by God’s spirit that we were able to wait. It was certainly not by might, nor by power; we were weak.

After two years of dating, one year of engagement, and nine years of marriage, I am so thankful that I was able to discover sex by discovering my husband. And while I cannot compare sex outside of marriage to sex between a husband and a wife, I did experience physical intimacy outside of marriage. And even with what could be considered best case scenario physical intimacy (we had no prior relationships and ended up married to each other), I know firsthand that physical intimacy between a husband and a wife is so. much. better. Why? Because marriage is like a protective bubble where it is just the two of us, fully committed and totally free.

And that type of sex is worth waiting for.

~ ~ ~ ~

unnamedBethany is still happily married to that guy she met in college. They moved to Delaware in 2011 to start LifePath Church and have loved watching God do amazing things over the past three years. Bethany is a stay at home mom to her twin boys, Kylan and Judah, and her 2-year-old daughter, Sariya. She enjoys doing creative, messy things which makes her kids happy and her house very, very sad. 

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