About a year ago, I moved to a new city. I lived on my own. It was a big city, and I could easily get lost. For the first time after having grown up in the church, gone to a small Bible College, touring in a Christian band and living in some kind of spotlight for much of my life, I was just a guy in a city.
And one day it hit me, I’m here and nobody knows me. If I wanted to I could go out to a bar, pick up a girl, sleep with her, and no one would “catch me”. It would be fun, boost my ego and be physically fulfilling.
For the first time in my 28 years, I had to decide how I wanted to live my life. I was still a virgin and finally had to answer this question for myself, “Why am I waiting for marriage?”
It’s easy for me to think I believe something, but when I am challenged with an opportunity, that’s when I find out what I actually believe. I know I’m “supposed to” wait for marriage to have sex… but why? Do I actually care? Does the Bible actually say that? And if so, do I actually believe it?
I believe that the Bible condemns sex outside of the marriage union. I believe that from start to finish, the Bible shows the intimacy that sex creates and that it belongs between two people in marriage.
I believe it because I see it in the Bible, but I also believe it because of my experience. While yes, I am a virgin, I have had some exceptionally intimate and sexual moments. At the time, I told myself these moments were purely physical… but in retrospect I can also see how they affected my mind and my soul. I was very selfish. Whether you think the Bible forbids sex outside of marriage or not, it does tell us to love. And love and selfishness are complete opposites.
I know how intimate those moments were and I know that I don’t want to share another moment with anyone other than my wife. That was my selfishness at work. When I choose that path it not only affects me, it affects women, their husbands, my future wife, maybe their kids, maybe my kids, potentially more… Intimacy outside of a marriage is selfish, plain and simple. It may feel like love in the moment, but it’s not; love puts the other person first. Let’s say (for the sake of argument) I wind up marrying the person I’m sleeping with – I am still engaging in an incredibly intimate and spiritual moment that may not be mine to engage in. Love, true love, is selfless and true love wouldn’t risk for a second, taking away a special moment from someone they love, or implanting a memory that will forever be with someone who is trying to be intimate with someone else. I know that there are memories that will forever be with me, memories I wish didn’t live in my dreams and at the back of my mind. And I never want to do that to someone again, especially someone I love.
If you were wondering, I didn’t go to a bar that night (or any night after) and try and pick up a woman to try to sleep with her. As it turns out, I do believe it is best to wait. And it’s not because I’m “supposed to”, It’s because I want to. I want to live a life of love and selflessness – because that’s what Jesus taught me. I want to honour my wife and honour Jesus with waiting. I do have my mistakes, and I can’t take those back. But each day, each time I choose love over selfishness, and waiting over my wantings, is another moment, another gift I give to my wife, whoever that may be and another example of the life Jesus is calling me to live.
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Josh is a 29 year old artist from Eastern Canada. He likes to make music, write, cook, design and take photos of things, and brew coffee… but mostly he just wants to dance. He is all over social media and you can find him at “/joshuaamharris” www.atlanticreative.com, www.atlanticcommunity.cc
*Cover photo taken by Joshua Harris of his sister, Linsey and brother in-law, Greg. For the record, they both waited and are “so SO glad we did” :).