This will be my first summer in a while that I’m not coming home from something or leaving to go somewhere. I’m used to being home for a while and then leaving to go somewhere for a while. I’ve been home for 9 months now and this typically would be the time where I pack my things and head off to another summer at camp or some type of adventure. As much as I’m looking forward to being reminded of what it feels like to have a summer at home I’m also feeling a little antsy. I’m sad because for the first time I feel like I’ve landed somewhere and I’m not sure I want to be here. Don’t get me wrong, I love it here and I love the people and my life is woven into this place in so many ways but I feel like something inside me is changing. Something in my soul feels discontent. I don’t know what it means or what it’s for and perhaps it will pass but I’m starting to wonder if what I’m experiencing is here for a purpose. It seems that those scary life questions that people ask themselves when they feel some sort of crisis are knocking at my door. The worst part of it is that I don’t have the answers for those questions. I don’t know what comes next. I don’t know if the ‘next’ is here or there, wherever there may be?
It’s weird when the place that you’ve known your whole life somehow doesn’t feel like it used to. It’s hard when the relationships that you’ve known and experienced begin to change. Your world keeps evolving and you feel like your running as fast at you can so you don’t get left behind.
I hate this feeling of discontentedness. It’s uncomfortable. It’s like my life is over before beginning.
But what to do?
I suppose I’ll just have to wait.
I guess my only option is to trust.
I really hope this is normal.
Hmmm…..then again, what is normal anyways?
Sleep well my blogging friends,
~The Kindred Spirit