Saturday, May 31, 2008

I have decided to try and blog a bit while I am at camp or while I have my day off on Saturday. However, since I do not have wireless here at camp I will most likely write the blog out and then post it when I do have internet.

As I have already written, I am spending my summer working at one of the Christian Horizons camps located in the thriving metropolis of Paisley, Ontario. If you have never been to Paisley you really should check in out….you can drive through the town in probably 30 seconds! I arrived here on Wednesday and didn’t know what to expect. It takes me about 4 hours to get here. 2 of those hours are a series of highways and the other 2 are a series of back roads….and I mean back roads! The drive feels like a long one but it is very beautiful, I drive right through Mennonite country, which I love. My first few days of staff training were very overwhelming. I cried, more than once…..of course not where anyone could see or hear me. I got here and there were 2 crowds, the leadership team and the EBC students…..I am not either! I know that it takes time to build relationships but I must say loneliness is an awful feeling especially when you are in such an unknown setting. I am starting to get to know people a bit more, which I am so thankful for. Tomorrow the first week of guests start to arrive. The first week are all adults with high needs so I will be one-on-one with a guest. I am quite nervous. I have never done personal care like toileting and showering before so that seems to be at the top of my nervousness. I just want to make sure my guest gets the best care. A lot of the staff are so experienced so hopefully I can learn quickly and it will become easy for me.

When I left my house on Wednesday I felt like the Lord and I were going on a road trip. I felt like I was walking into the complete unknown. I have lived away from home before, when I was a Youthbuilder, but this is different. I am in the complete unknown and I am in this place of complete servanthood. I have been thinking a lot about servanthood this week. I think a lot of us are really into convenient serving, like it’s easy to serve when you are in the comfort zone. You get to leave when you want, if you don’t feel well you can go home, we don’t feel the effects of serving. One of the motto’s here at CH is ‘It’s not about me’ and it totally isn’t. It’s about giving your guests the best vacation and if that means you are up with them in the night because they need you then that’s what you need to do. It can be the kind of serving that takes a toll on your body and your spirit but it’s worth it because you are loving someone in this radical way. Each person that comes in the door is Jesus.

In the first couple days of being at CH I wondered why the Lord wants me here because all along I felt so strongly that this is where he wants me. It’s really easy to want to quit when things don’t feel safe or in your control and you feel so inadequate but that is when you remember that it’s not in your own strength that you can do things but in the Lord’s strength. I am not in this alone. It feels big but God is bigger and even though I feel like I have so little to offer I trust that the Lord has something in store. I want to be in the best place, in the sweet spot of God’s grace. I have said that I want to really know and trust Jesus more, I have said that I want to serve and keep growing and learning how to love people and this summer I get a chance to do that. It’s funny how sometimes we have this picture perfect idea in our minds about how some experience will be and somehow it never turns out to be that way. Sometimes being molded to be more and more like Christ hurts a little and causes you to worry and panic but you just gotta hold onto Him more tightly because you come out stronger, more loving, and with roots that go down a bit deeper.

I wonder if my heart will look a little different after this summer is over….hopefully I make it through….lol!

I have no idea what this week will hold but hopefully I will come out of it with more experience in the area of personal care =) !

Still Trusting Him,

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